Unmasked
by trunks111
Summary: Sequel to Masks. GaaraShikamaru. Shonen-ai. Together, but with many obstacles. Will Gaara finally be able to let someone see him without his mask? Is Shikamaru the one who will break that barrier with him? Are they both strong enough to withstand everything that comes with such an important undertaking along with their college courses? Time will tell.
1. A Beginning

A few months had passed since he and Shikamaru had begun dating. Gaara was reluctant to tell much of anything about himself, instead spending most of his time drawing and simply sitting near Shikamaru. Shikamaru, not wanting to pressure Gaara into anything he wasn't ready for, did not mind, much anyway. Sometimes, to fill the silence, he would tell the red-head about his own life. What it had been like growing up thought to be a "genius".

Gaara listened intently of course, never missing a word, but still disinclined to share his own story.

Instead of talking, Gaara drew, sometimes it was Shikamaru, other times it was that boy from before. Torn clothes, half there, half dissipated. Light gray and black.  
It was not that he didn't want to be honest with him, it was that he was not sure where to begin. He guessed, he could start with his early childhood, as Shikamaru had done. Even then he was still unsure of exactly when, of what to include, of what to leave out.

Even as he began his next drawing, "Sick of it" by Skillet playing loudly, he was thinking. The picture depicted thus.  
Black on one half, white and little shading on the other. One showed the messy haired boy as a child, knees drawn to chest, surrounded by blackness. The other half showed the same boy as a teen, barely there, surrounded by whiteness, and few others were reaching out to him but he seemed confused, startled, and unsure.

Shikamaru was laying on his own bed as Gaara was sprawled on his stomach, drawing as usual. Shikamaru glanced over at him, more often than he would admit. Of course, Gaara was absorbed in his drawing and thoughts, oblivious. The dark-haired male was deep in thoughts of his own. Remembering, calculating, hypothesizing.

After signing his latest drawing, Gaara rolled on to his back, gazing up at the ceiling silently. He thought he had made a decision, an important one at that. He was finally ready to tell Shikamaru a piece of his past. A piece of himself. Once told, it would be something that could never be taken back. And that..., that terrifed him immensely. He, for the moment, was paralyzed by his own fears. He wanted to tell him, but at the same time, he was afraid of what that would mean for them, for him.

And so, when Shikamaru sat upon the bed, next to him, gazing at him with that familar concern in his gray eyes, Gaara all but jumped, his mask sliding back in place, hiding what Shikamaru had known had been there moments before. He didn't let his annoyance about that show, whatever was bothering him, whyever he did that, Gaara would tell him when he was ready to. So far, he hadn't told Shikamaru anything, but he would be patient, he liked him afterall. More than that, if he was honest. But it would never work if Gaara never let him in. He knew it would take time, how much, was unknown, but he had to tell him eventually.

"Save You" by Simple Plan was playing when Gaara had been jolted from his thoughts by Shikamaru. He saw it, fleeting as it was, the annoyance in Shikamaru's eyes as his mask slid back into place. He actually felt sad that he was the cause of his boyfriend's annoyance. He didn't want to be, he wanted to change, to stop being as he was.  
And so, in effort of this, he sat up. Hesitantly, hand shaking he reached out to gently cup Shikamaru's cheek in the pale palm of his hand. The look on Shikamaru's face was of surprise but he said nothing, evidently, waiting on Gaara's next action.

Carefully, taking a slightly shuddering breath, and dropping his hand, which Shikamaru clasped in his own, Gaara began the story of how and when he began to wear his mask. It wasn't a long tale, but by the time he was done, Shikamaru was gripping his hand harder and looking at him in a way Gaara hadn't seen in many years. And so, he averted his eyes, gazing instead at their clasped hands.

"That is a heavy burden to bear. And I'm sorry you had to for so long, especially alone." Shikamaru finally said, having been deeply in thought.

Gaara stayed silent, knowing Shikamaru would likely say more.  
"That being said, I want you to know, you don't have to pretend with me. If you show me the real you, I won't turn away."

At that statement, Shikamaru gently titled Gaara's face up tp his own, gazing into his eyes. Gaara was the first to look away, afraid to believe but desperately wanting to and knowing, knowing deep down within himself, that Shikamaru wasn't lying.  
And so, slowly, giving him plenty of time to push him away, Shikamaru pulled Gaara to him in a tight, comforting hug. The red-head was stiff at first but gradually relaxed, inhaling Shikamaru's scent and enjoying the warmth and closeness, something he never dreamed he would experience or even enjoy. As scared as he was, he was also excited. Shikamaru knew of his mask, and wanted only to help him. It was more than he had dared to dream and really expect. And so, child-like, Gaara gripped Shikamaru's shirt in his fists tightly and burrowed into his chest, content but still afriad that Shikamaru would leave him. Shikamaru chuckled softly but hugged him all the same, amused and glad that Gaara was finally beginning to warm to him. This was the closest they'd been yet. For the longest amount of time too. A soft sigh escaped his parted lips as he gazed down at the pale-skinned male in his arms.

"I... I am going to have a nap... Would... Would you like to join me?" Gaara asked, the blush heating his cheeks and the stutter of his words made Shikamaru grin but he told him if it was what he wanted, he would. Naps were fantastic things, afterall.  
And so a still blushing Gaara cleared his bed of his art and supplies and laid on the side closer to the wall, his back now to his boyfriend. A slightly smirk on his face, Shikamaru laid beside him, turning on his side and draping an arm around the skinny red-head, pulling him just slightly closer. At first, Gaara was slightly tense, but that faded as he let sleep overtake him.


	2. Blooming Happiness

Gaara was the first to wake from their nap. At first, he was startled, but then he remembered that Shikamaru had joined him, and he had, revealed a large part of himself. Carefully, he reached down into his pants pocket and dug out his iPod and headphones. He popped the earbuds in and When I Get Up by Tegan and Sara played softly. He laid there, still, listening to the beautiful Sara's voice. Gently, he did as he had thought to do for so long, and put an arm around Shikamaru, holding him closer to his chest.  
It was comfortable. It was..., different, but not in a bad way. He thought, he might actually feel something akin to happiness, being like this. Having told him of his life. It was strange, but it was..., a good kind. The next thing he would need to do, was keep his mask off when around others. He could start with when he was around Naruto.

A collaboration piece was coming up, it could begin when the two began work on that piece. Lost in thought, Gaara didn't notice Shikamaru wake and gaze at him with a slight smile.

"Would you like to get dinner with me?" Shikamaru asked, jolting him from his thoughts.

A blushing Gaara nodded as his sea-foam green eyes met light gray. Shikamaru smiled and took Gaara's pale hand and gave it a very light kiss.  
Shikamaru stood first, stretching before moving aside so Gaara could also stand. Gaara got up, turning his iPod down further before following Shikamaru to the cafeteria.  
Shikamaru chose pizza, while Gaara went with the spaghetti. Shikamaru chose the seats with Kiba, Naruto, Zaku, Hinata, Ino, Sai, and Choji. Gaara joined him, his mask having replaced itself, but no one seemed to notice as Gaara ate in silence, as Shikamaru laughed and joked with his friends.

Eventually, Gaara realized now would be the perfect time to speak with Naruto about his idea.

"Naruto, I have an idea for the collaboration project coming up."

"Yeah? What is it?" He asked with a grin, coming over to sit directly across from him. Gaara pushed his tray away and took his mini-notebook from his pocket.

"I will sketch the whole thing, and you, on one of the halves, will use your paints, while I simply shade the rest as I usually would."

Naruto looked doubtful and so Gaara further explained his idea, Naruto gradually warmed to it, getting rather excited about it too.  
"Wow! This is gonna be awesome!"

Gaara chuckled softly at the blond's enthusiasm.  
Kiba and Naruto left shortly after, leaving only Gaara and Shikamaru at the table.

Shikamaru looked over at Gaara and studied him a moment, he was maskless, smiling, and seemed at ease with himself and his surroundings.

Gaara saw Shikamaru looking at him and smiled, and it was a beautiful sight. Shikamaru smiled back and they left the cafeteria, holding hands.  
Upon arriving in their room, Shikamaru somewhat gently, pressed Gaara up against the closed-door and kissed him passionately. A blushing brightly Gaara returned the kiss as best he could, still not quite sure what exactly he was supposed to do in this situation.  
Shikamaru pulled away, leaning in close still, his nose touching Gaara's lightly.

Gazing into each other's eyes, Shikamaru moved and buried his face into his boyfriend's neck, his arms circling him and hugging him tightly.  
"Sometimes, Gaara, I see how happy you could make me, and I can only hope, that I can make you feel the same way."

Of course, Gaara had no idea what to say to that, so he simply hugged Shikamaru back, blushing even worse than before. Shikamaru leaned up and gently pressed his lips to the back of Gaara's jaw bone before leaning away completely and just looking at him with a sleepy smile. He laughed at Gaara's blush and left him to stand, going to lay on his bed and do some homework.  
Eventually, Gaara managed to get to his own bed, where he just laid, gazing at the ceiling, listening to One Bedroom by Yellowcard.

It was..., getting easier. Not only being with Shikamaru, but not wearing his mask. It had slipped completely when he was talking to Naruto. He withdrew his little notebook and began drawing in it. It was a small-scale sketch of himself, Naruto, Gaara, Kiba, and the others. In the sketch, he saw how happy he looked. How happy Shikamaru looked as he was glancing over at him.  
Shikamaru thought Gaara didn't notice, but he did, he always did. He saw the concern, the hurt, the anger, the sadness. And so he was trying, trying to change for the better. If for naught else but his wonderful boyfriend. Something, he was still amazed that he had. It was..., still after all these months, unreal. He hadn't yet told Temari and Kankuro, and he wasn't sure if he should or even would.  
He wasn't sure the point of it, nor what of their business it was.

For now, he would keep to himself, if he told them, it would be after he had shed his mask completely. For now, he had to focus on him and Shikamaru and of course, passing his classes.  
He found his bag and took out his text book, finishing his psyche homework before he had to go to bed.

In the afternoon, he and Shikamaru went to breakfast in the cafeteria, Gaara leaving first, going to his psyche class.  
That day, was an interesting segment on how emotions were expressed, repressed, and what was done in each situation. For homework, they were to write an essay on which they more often did and why, and look deeply into the why and speculate about the probably long-term consequences. They were to be honest, not to pick expressed just because it was "easier." They were to do the paper on real experience.  
Gaara was deep in thought for the rest of the day, eventually straying to the library to begin his writing. He began again and again numerous times before finally figuring out how to properly begin it.  
Shikamaru was in a more advanced psyche class, so he would give it to him to examine before he turned it in. See if there was anything that needed further clarification, if he repeated himself, or if he mislabeled anything.

Of course, when he got to their room, Shikamaru was fast asleep in his bed, his phone on the floor, just beneath his outstretched hand. Gaara smiled and draped a blanket over him. He laid in his own bed, checking his phone. He had messages from Shikamaru, asking after him, and then telling him he would be waiting for him in their room. Oops. Oh well, there was always tomorrow.

He rolled over, gazing at Shikamaru, he fell into a deep sleep, at peace.


	3. Falling Apart

Weeks passed without incident, it was becoming much easier to be without his mask. He and Naruto had even begun their collaboration project. Naruto even had an additional idea, he would sketch a bit, little details on his own half of the picture. Gaara allowed him this, and days into it, it was coming along, about 1/4 of the way done.  
And then, one day quite suddenly, it all changed. They were all talking, laughing, and hanging out as had become normal. Then though, Gaara's face became smooth, his eyes blank, and his music slightly louder. No one but Shikamaru noticed the change as he simply fell from conversation. He sat there, silently, listening to Someday by Crossfade.  
It just hit him, as it did, a wave of insurmountable anguish. For what though, he knew not. It was as though he could feel himself slipping away, too close to being truly happy, so it must simply be false. Something terrible must be on the verge of happening, right? It had every other time, so why not now? Why not now, when everything was going his way, going as he wanted. He muttered something to them, something inconspicuous, and he left the table, absently throwing away his tray, his mind elsewhere completely.

The only one that noticed again, was Shikamaru. His eyes followed his boyfriend, he knew he couldn't ask him while they sat together with the others, but maybe he could follow him? He glanced at his friends then back to Gaara who had just exited the cafeteria. He told his friends he would catch up with them later and set off after the red-head.

He walked with his hands in his pockets, his head down mostly, his thoughts foggy. He only knew he wanted to do something, something he hadn't in a while. Anything to stop this pain. Even if it meant jeopardizing what he now had. He didn't care, he was beyond it, he just wanted it all to stop. He wanted, for some reason, for it to go back as it was. Because then, he was safe, he was hidden from the world. They didn't see, they couldn't, and so he was fine. But this..., this shedding his mask for Shikamaru, perhaps it wasn't a good idea. He had no idea really how to function in their world. He was really solitary, artful, a loner definitely. So he wasn't sure where he was going anymore, that was for sure. He just wanted that familiarity back. That was what he had before he shed his mask. Yes..., he had been broken and breaking, but there was a safeness in that. There were no surprises. There was only how he felt, no one else need be concerned.  
Until, he met Shikamaru. It was with him that everything began to slowly change. That man had seen something in him, and Gaara had felt something new.

His heart beat erratically, his breath came in gasps, he stopped against a brick wall of a convenience store.  
Wh-what had happened?

He stared at nothing for a few moments, and then he remembered. It was slightly chilly, he had only a thin long sleeved fishnet shirt covering his arms, his regular t-shirt only a short sleeve.  
Walking into the brightly lit store, he browsed the isles of candy, eventually coming to the cold beverages. His eyes scanned the shelves, searching, but for what he was unsure.  
Happy? by Mudvayne began to play as his eyes landed on them. Unleaded Monster. Caffeine free, it read. There was no warning about "consume responsibly" or "limit 3 cans a day". He smiled, but it was a ghost of his real smile. He grabbed as many as he could carry, which was four or so, then set them on the counter, telling the clerk he would be right back, grabbing another set. He paid, and exited the store something akin to happy. He had monster, and plenty of it. He could drink it all, and nothing terrible would really happen, and even if it did, so what? Wasn't that what he wanted?

He fished one out of his two bags and popped the tab, inhaling that wonderful scent of monster. One of the greatest in all the world. He took a large gulp of it. It tasted the same as a normal green, but perhaps less sweet? Good nonetheless. He felt..., better, but that pit was still there, it felt as though he was standing at it's precipice. Just one step would send him over the edge and into the bottomless nothing.  
Gaara searched his mind as he walked, trying to find what had triggered this. But he came up with nothing. Even as he drank his second monster, he came up with nothing that could have provoked this sudden downward spiral. He was back in his dorm room when he realized he knew the answer, he always had.  
He was borderline happy, happy, something he had not been since before he first acquired his mask. And so..., in fear of it all being taken from him, he sought to take it from himself. He sought to end it before it could be taken. To his mind, that made sense...  
He downed the second and was more than halfway through his third when Shikamaru found him.  
Sitting on the floor, back pressed against his bed, monsters under the bed and the one limply in one hand, the other hand holding his head as he gazed at nothing. His mask battled to control his features. What Shikamaru must have seen..., must have been frightening, regardless, he sat beside him and wrapped him in his arms, drawing the sleder, pale boy to his chest and holding him tightly. No words were spoken, but Gaara let himself be held, still clutching his monster can, his hand fell from his head to sit limply in his lap.  
It was all so very clearly falling apart right in front of him, and yet, Shikamaru was standing by him...


	4. Shed Forever

He must have fallen asleep. He looked around, his can was gone, as was Shikamaru. And, he was laying in his bed, a blanket a top him. He sat up, glancing around again. Shikamaru was definetely gone. He reached under the bed and grabbed another can. He opened it and downed a few swallows before getting up to dress. He did it mechanically, his mind wandering. He had no idea how Shikamaru must feel, no idea how he should carry on. It was a very good thing he had no classes that day. His mind was a scrambled mess.

His head fell into his hands as tears welled in his eyes. Before..., gods before, he had kept it all locked away. He was safe as long as he wore his mask and felt nothing. But now, now that he had begun to shed it, all those walls built had come crumbling down. His mind was an utter mess. The monster helped steady him, but he was just so _scattered_... As soon as he was sure no tears would fall on to his work, he found his sketch book and began a new sketch.

He put his earbuds in and turned is iPod on to shuffle so even if Shikamaru were to return, he would not be disturbed. This was something he had needed to do for a while now. A drawing to put it all in perspective.  
As One Bedroom by Yellowcard began to play somewhat loudly, he began to sketch a new picture.

Slowly, the picture came together. It was broken into at least a dozen smaller pictures which depicted a larger picture all together. Half of the smaller pictures depicted the teen boy Gaara usually drew, in various stages of upset, sometimes masked, sometimes falling apart, other times so very clearly torn. The other half showed the same teen boy but when he was happy, sometimes with another male or a few others, one even had a picture of two of them kissing.  
The large picture showed the boy on a larger scale, the torn half showed him as that, a mask in place. The happy half showed a smile, small though it was, it was there and the shading of his eyes told it was very joyous.

He sat back and gazed at his picture. Like always. Yet another though, he would likely show no one.  
Taking another drink of his monster, his eyes skimmed through the various smaller pictures he had drawn.  
Just wanting to be rid of his mask wasn't enough. He had to do it. To stop hiding completely. To let the world see him for who he really is. Let all pretense drop away, and be confident, like his is in art. To not back down. Be bold. Be open. Not be afraid.  
He had Shikamaru, he had Naruto, and soon, if he kept trying, he would have other friends.

Downing the rest of the can, he hurried to shower and dress. He dressed in something that made him feel quite good about himself, a pair of dark red rust overdyed skinnies and a black heartless shirt, both items of clothing clinging rather nicely to him, and his hair messily and wetly spiked. He flashed a grin at himself in the mirror. He would put away his mask forever.

He put his earbuds back in and cranked up Обречённые(Doomed) by Tracktor Bowling before leaving to find Shikamaru. He had texted him before getting in the shower and learned he was on campus with Naruto and friends. They would be under the giant tree, many students liked to congregate there.

Grabbing another can, he left the room. He found them like he knew he would. Everybody As The One by Louna began to play as he walked over to them. Steeling his courage even more. Shikamaru sat with his back up against the tree, the others sitting or laying a few feet from one another. Gaara walked through them in the small space there was, Shikamaru greeted him with a "Hey" but Gaara smiled and leaned down, planting a very soft kiss upon his tanned lips. Shikamaru looked about as shocked as everyone else sounded judging by the gasps and the whistles. When he pulled away and plopped down next to him, Shikamaru asked him why.

Gaara responded that he was done. He was who he was, and that meant no more hiding. No matter what. Shikamaru grinned and Gaara smiled, they kissed one more time, Naruto laughing and pointing, Kiba whistling, and Choji munching his chips with a grin.  
He had shed his mask for good. Being with Shikamaru so openly..., it felt right. Friends around them. This was the life he had been missing. No more. They came apart and seafoam green eyes met gray, emotion swirling in both as they smiled at each other, they held hands as they sat there, talking to their friends. It was a big step, but one they would be taking together.


End file.
